It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. Love Horror receives yet another found footage film - A Night in the Woods - and the responsibility falls to me, as the other reviewers are knee deep in zombies, demonic possession and poltergeists.

It's bad timing for me, and also for A Night in the Woods as I'm still not over the last double bill of bad found footage films.
But this one was British, so the sense of duty to queen and country gave me that last ounce of enthusiasm that I needed to get the job done.

A Night in the Woods follows Brody and Kerry as they embark on a camping trip in Dartmoor. Brody likes to film things a lot. Conversations, trees, walking along the road, people getting in cars, and so the viewer is well prepared for the first person perspective that will dominate throughout.

And then the dreaded words appear on screen 'This is real footage' and A Night in the Woods quickly slips down in my estimations.

Meeting Kerry's cousin Leo on the way, the group stop off en route to meet some locals who predictably don't like people from the city in their fancy cars and fancy boots. These locals are still happy to be filmed though, and they eagerly speak of the local legend - a hunter who hunts down sinners and hangs them.

After a few warnings from the villagers about how they might not survive the night if they camp out, Brody, Kerry and Leo continue on, setting up camp by some woods and getting high by the fire.

As ever though, complicated issues lie under the surface. Each of them has a dark secret and after just a few hours, the atmosphere turns hostile, particularly between the two men.

MARCH 16, 2013

GENRE: SERIAL KILLER, THRILLER
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REGULAR SCREENING)

If The Call was a better movie, it wouldn't be fit for Horror Movie A Day (indeed, I went in not knowing if it would count, leaning more toward "No" based on the trailers). I'd tweet to everyone to go see a pretty decent thriller from the director of Session 9, go home, load up some DTV killer scarecrow movie or whatever, and that'd be that. But the entire 3rd act is a hodgepodge of moments from Silence of the Lambs, Saw, and even goddamn Captivity, so along with the random killings along the way, this sadly becomes a serial killer thriller that would fit comfortably with a bunch of others I've reviewed.

Because when it's NOT being a horror movie and earning its unnecessary R rating (more on that later), it's a fine thriller in the Cellular vein, with Halle Berry as a 911 dispatcher who is trying to keep a kidnapped girl (Abigail Breslin) calm while trying to determine her location as her attacker drives along the freeways of Los Angeles. Berry's ideas are pretty intelligent - kicking out the taillight and waving, hoping another person will call 911 and report it (and the actual freeway), dripping a (conveniently placed) can of paint out the light's hole to leave a trail, etc. Obviously we know none of this stuff will work or else the movie would be over, but Brad Anderson, if nothing else, knows how to wring tension out of very little, and it becomes the rare movie that's 2nd act is the strongest (there's a rather long setup to Breslin being kidnapped; if you've seen the spoiler-ific trailer, you know the drill).

And before I lay into the 3rd act, I should stress that I was fine with the first 20 minutes or so, with Berry screwing up another call and inadvertently getting the girl killed, which comes after a lot of stuff to show how she's an old pro at her job (She knows obscure codes off the top of her head! She has a recurring caller!), and then after the girl is killed we have to deal with generic "rock bottom" nonsense - pills, taking the 911 equivalent of a desk job, etc. It's funny that I happened to have my Shocker T-shirt on, as it's the same problem that hurts that movie for some folks - it takes a while to get to the part that the movie is actually about, because so many pieces have to be in place first. But it wasn't interminable; the scenes with the first girl were pretty good nail-biters, and there are some darkly funny 911 calls to enjoy ("Some guys are breaking into my neighbors'... I have a shotgun, want me to take care of them?"). One could levy the same complaint at Speed - GET TO THE BUS! - and that turned out OK (whereas Shocker is an acquired taste - I've come to accept it), so I was willing to be patient.

But alas, act 3 (SPOILERS AHEAD!). The trunk stuff ends, and our killer (Michael Eklund from the interminable The Divide) has brought Breslin to a generic horror movie dungeon, complete with filthy walls and an accompanying green/brown tint to everything. It's here we finally get some glimpses as to what his motive is, but that's all there is: glimpses. If I'm understanding correctly (SPOILERS, again), his beloved older sister died of cancer and lost her beautiful blond hair in the process, so now he's kidnapping blond girls and scalping them, but then what? If he's killing them all, where are the bodies? Why does he need so many? At one point Breslin sees something we do not, and I was hoping it would build to a twist that he was either re-building his his sister out of similar bodied girls, or that the sister was actually alive and he was trying to find her a perfect hair replacement, and both of which would have been far more satisfying reveals than what it actually is (a bloodied bed - who cares? We already know he's a murderer).

Oh, and then it has an epilogue worse than the one in Last House on the Left remake. Almost as if to punish the audience for putting up with the stupid final act, they twist the knife a little more. And then the credits cut in without a real epilogue that offers any closure about the other girls or whatever. The Call may be the first movie where I wish it had a scene of the villain explaining everything before being merely shot to death, as it would be a vast improvement over what we actually get here.

Now the funny thing about this is that it seems tacked on, but totally fits the movie's seemingly PG-13 vibe. The kill scenes are largely off-screen and loaded with freezeframes, which seem to almost be signaling a more conservative audience to look away before it resumes and shows something nasty, which it never actually does. And there's an odd subplot about how Breslin's character doesn't like to swear, so of course at some point she's going to scream MOTHER FUCKER! at her captor, though when it does it's an afterthought that doesn't register at all. It's almost as if the "no swearing" thing was just a throwaway explanation for the lack of harsh language, and the one allotted use of an F bomb in a PG-13 would be that big moment where she finally learns to swear. But alas, it goes nowhere, and her friend drops 1-2 anyway, and the movie got an R rating for " violence, disturbing content and some language", none of which is false but could describe any number of PG-13 thrillers as well. It's like they got the R when a PG-13 was in mind and didn't feel like contesting it or going back to add stuff to justify it.

Speaking of things that amused me, I picked a perfect venue to see the film: the AMC located adjacent to the Burbank Town Center mall (which has another AMC inside of it), as the mall was the shooting location for where Breslin's character is prior to being kidnapped. Some laughter and "whoa!" erupted from the crowd when it first appeared, followed by a LOT of laughing when the mall was described as "Fashion Plaza" and located downtown. Obviously even 20 miles away or so this wouldn't have any reaction whatsoever, let alone throughout the rest of the world, so it was a pretty great little crowd moment (as was the equally loud laughter when Berry idiotically drops her cell phone, which was less amusingly followed by someone in the crowd's cell going off). Some of the other geographical details were way off, but again no one will notice - however I wonder if anyone else was puzzled by the fact that we see the first girl's address on two different computer screens (other calls) before she actually calls and gives it aloud. And what LA station would be playing Taco's "Putting on the Ritz"?

Basically, it has the same problem a lot of high concept thrillers have, in that the act almost always has to be dropped for the climax, and it's never as interesting as what came before. Speed loses the bus, Cellular loses the phone, etc - but in The Call's case, they trade what's actually working better than it should be for dumb torture horror staples that barely work in actual torture horror movies, undoing just about all of its goodwill (whereas the others just sort of deflate a bit but are still good). The trailer pretty much shows every beat of the movie except for things that are mind-numbingly stupid, and it's a shame to see the guy who made Session 9 doing something so generic and silly. In short, it's a movie that would be fine in August when you just want something to look at when it's too hot to be outside and the theater offers better AC than your own home, but it's March. Just go outside.

What say you?

P.S. No, I have no idea why this is a WWE movie. There were no wrestlers in it or even any tough guys - just Eklund and Morris Chestnut, who disappears from the movie at one point. UPDATE - I have since learned that Chestnut's partner - a role so tiny I actually forgot it existed when writing the review a few hours later - is a wrestler. Still, they used to give them the starring roles (Marine, Condemned, etc) and now they get bit parts that could have been played by the producer's cousin.

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MARCH 15, 2013

GENRE: GHOST (or) PSYCHOLOGICAL
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

Fun fact: I actually own The Bunker because I wanted to save on parking. During my last trip home to Boston, I had parked in a garage that was pretty pricey but not TOO bad if you got a validation, but I was just meeting a friend at Dunkin Donuts which didn't offer validation (because why would you park at an expensive garage to get cheap coffee?). So I went into Newbury Comics and looked at the cheap DVDs until I found something that would work for HMAD, coming across this previously unheard of WWII based horror flick that seemed to be from England based on the cast (Eddie Marsan, Jack Davenport, Jason Flemyng, etc).

But it also had a bunch of bonus features, which meant it kept getting conveniently passed over for Netflix Instant or featureless movies over the past few months. But with the site ending soon, I figured it was a "now or never" type thing, since I bought it specifically to watch for HMAD - after all, if it was as good as Deathwatch or Below, I would have heard of it by now, right?

Alas, my assumption was correct. It was fine, but like those others (which were all in production around the same time, so I suspect no shenanigans) it leaves some things vague but certainly seems to suggest that it's the soldiers' own guilty consciences that are responsible for all the terrible things that happen, and nothing overtly supernatural. So it kind of just follows what is almost a template at this point: they get pinned down or seek refuge in a seemingly abandoned base/bunker, find evidence or a survivor of a previous thing that happened there, someone dies, accusations fly, one soldier begins exerting too much authority... there's something really off-putting about watching a movie that's supposed to be keeping you guessing and in the dark and yet knowing almost exactly how it will play out.

So I had to keep trying to forget those other movies and judge it on its own, and when I succeeded I could see that it was a pretty solid entry in this sub-genre. The terrific cast helps: in addition to Marsan, Flemyng, and Davenport (familiar character actors I quite like), there's Andrew Tiernan (who was in the recent WWII horror War of the Dead as well) as the requisite "hardass who becomes a tyrant/murderer" soldier, and some other guys I recognize as well. And whoever did the opening titles was wise enough to put them in alphabetical order, so there was no obvious hero or "He's billed at the top so he'll be around the longest" giveaways; indeed, I thought for sure Davenport was going to be the hero only for him to be one of the first to die (which bummed me out, because that guy's voice has me questioning my sexuality. Seriously, best British accent ever).

I do think they kind of tip their hat a bit too early, showing brief flashbacks throughout the film that eventually spell out what's going on - but it's pretty easy to tell from the first that they clearly participated in some pretty terrible war crimes and now it's coming back to bite them on the ass. Director Rob Green could have been a little more vague/subtle with the first couple of flashes if he didn't want us to know yet that these were not upstanding soldiers, though I suppose he might want us think that it might be the actual ghost (or a zombie) seeking revenge in the present, with my "it's always in their head" knowledge tipping the scales.

But they certainly get the atmosphere down pat; they were only in the bunker for about 5 minutes before I started feeling uneasy about it, and the confusing geography is actually a benefit, not a hindrance (I'll give Green the benefit of the doubt and say that this was intentional). There's a pretty good bit where two groups of the soldiers are firing at each other, thinking the other is the enemy Americans - it's actually perfectly plausible since the place is so hard to get a handle on. Oh, no, that wasn't a typo - the heroes here are German soldiers, thankfully not weighed down with silly accents (though the fact that they're all British makes it a bit confusing to an American - we know they're not US but it's hard to remember they're our opponents - if you miss the setup or don't recognize their uniforms, you might think it's a British force and wonder why they're scared of the Americans). I actually wish there was more of the war stuff; it's not often we see them from the German (NOT Nazi, though one seems to be OK with their practices) point of view, and it's easy for us to forget that they were just defending their country same as we were. There isn't much characterization at all, which is a bummer - it's that sort of thing that could have helped elevate this a notch or two above "Yeah, pretty good."

I overpaid for the DVD though; in addition to a terrible non-anamorphic transfer, the bonus features are pretty worthless. The making of is OK since it mostly focuses on the actors joking around in between takes (Flemyng is pretty hilarious), and again, I liked a lot of them from other, later projects so it was fun to see them in their younger days. And it has some stuff on the creation of the bunker set, and I always like that sort of thing. But the two deleted scenes wouldn't have helped the movie any, and lack any context for where they would have been in the film or why they were cut, and the trailer is pretty bland. And the commentary is a complete waste of time; apart from explaining (repeatedly) that they didn't often have time to film things the way they would have liked, most of it is simply Green or one of his partners (I couldn't tell their voices apart) saying "That's a nice shot", or saying nothing at all. They mention early on that it's been a while since they've watched the movie, but when you have three participants on a track, there's no excuse for as much silence as you have to endure here. If you absolutely loved the movie, you might find some of it interesting, but otherwise just play it over your favorite bits and hope that they say something interesting about them.

I really should take another look at Below. I haven't exactly been hiding the fact that the site will still be up and operational (just not updated daily), so it'd be a good one to do when I have time again (it's been over two years since I did a non canon review just for fun, not because I had to review a disc I was sent). I keep saying "Not as good as Below!" but it's been so long that maybe my opinion of it has become a bit inflated - I hope that's not the case. Hopefully The Bunker will get a better release someday; it's enjoyable but not good enough to put up with that hideous transfer unless you're still rocking a 4:3 TV.

What say you?

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MARCH 14, 2013

GENRE: SUPERNATURAL
SOURCE: STREAMING (NETFLIX INSTANT)

I was only about 7 seconds into The Spell when I knew it wasn't going to be a very successful attempt at ripping off Carrie. Rita, our tormented, potentially telekinetic girl, is being mocked for being fat by all of her classmates as they make their way to gym class. And I mean ALL - not a single one of the other girls seems to have anything better to do than laugh and point, do the exaggerated, arms outstretched "fat person walking" shtick, etc. But here's the thing - Rita's not going to be on America's Next Top Model anytime soon, but she's not actually "fat" at all - she's maybe packing 5 extra lbs above what is a normal, healthy weight for a girl her height.

So right off the bat I had trouble buying into the movie; Carrie's tormentors may have been a bit ridiculous, but I never doubted that she'd be a target of their scorn - she was awkward, made to look plain, etc. Here, I couldn't understand why they'd even notice her at all, let alone pick on her weight. Sorry for the lack of tact, but couldn't they find an actual fat actress to play the part, so the audience would at least be able to quickly understand what was going on? Honestly, when I saw the girls all doing the fat jokes I wondered when the girl would appear on-screen, because I figured Rita was just some random extra.

Luckily, this stuff doesn't carry through the entire movie. Perhaps to avoid being labeled a complete Carrie knockoff, the school never appears again after this opening sequence (which ends with a gymnastics "accident"), and we instead focus on her family life. She doesn't get along with her younger sister (Helen Hunt!) or father at all, and her relationship with her mom (Lee Grant) is heated, though the closest thing she has to an ally there. But she brings it on herself; whereas Carrie was sympathetic, Rita's just a mean brat, and the targets for the rest of the movie are of no interest to us (assorted friends/business associates of her parents, though she seemingly tries to drown her sister at one point), making it hard to care much about what's going on. I can root for Grant, torn between the love for her child and the knowledge that something is seriously wrong with her, but it's nowhere near as effective as something like We Need To Talk About Kevin or Joshua.

Plus, apart from that brief drowning scene, the family is never in any danger, so there's nothing to really get scared over. It'd be easy to say "Eh, it's a TV movie, they can't really do much", but Don't Go To Sleep scared the hell out of me and didn't shy away from being vicious when it had to be - this just lacks the balls to go all out, opting to just kill some random adult we have no attachment to in order to provide the movie with its action. And they go a step further (spoiler), revealing during the climax that Rita's actually just a pawn for her gym teacher, who also has this ability and wants her to hone her skills. This leads to not one but TWO showdowns of people mumbling chants at each other, which I assure you doesn't come across as cinematic or riveting as it sounds. Even as a TV movie this thing is shockingly dull throughout, and I thought they were just saving the FX/action budget for the finale, but no.

Oddly this is the 2nd made for TV Carrie wannabe that was written by someone who'd go on to make something far more interesting and beloved. Tom Holland co-wrote The Initiation Of Sarah long before he'd join the ranks of the Masters of Horror with Child's Play and Fright Night, and this was written by Brian Taggert, who would go on to adapt Of Unknown Origin (the original novel of which I just got! Can't wait to read), aka the 2nd best Peter Weller movie ever and certainly the best killer rat one. But it's interesting that it was based on a novel, as just about everything else I've seen from him (Poltergeist III, Omen IV, Visiting Hours (which also had Lee Grant)) was underwhelming at best, so maybe he's just not a very good writer unless he has a guide to work from, as all of those others (and this) weren't based on existing books or whatever.

In closing, I'd like to say that if I was around in the 60s-70s, I probably would have had a crush on Lee Grant. She's in her 50s here but still very attractive, and she's got that mix of being a classy lady but with a fiery attitude, not unlike Helen Mirren. We need more women like them in our generation! Most of what we have are dolts like Lohan or manic pixie dream girls. Mirren and Grant could still kick all their asses while drinking their tea.

What say you?

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The Exorcist, originally released in 1973, was re-released in 2000, with 11 minutes of extra footage that had been censored in the original release. It also featured a digitally enhanced version of the Oscar winning sound by Chris Newman.

The Exorcist begins with Father Merrin (Max Von Sydow) on an archaeological dig in Iraq. A series of unsettling and ominous incidents occur, culminating in the unearthing of a little statue of a demonic figure.

Meanwhile in Washington, DC, a successful actress Chris MacNeil (Ellen Burstyn) is filming her new move with director Burke Dennings (Jack MacGowran). At the same time, a young priest Damien Karras (Jason Miller) is fighting inner conflict as his faith in God dwindles each time he sees his ailing mother suffer.

Chris' house in the upscale Georgetown neighborhood begins to witness strange occurrences. Her daughter Regan shows signs of eccentric behavior and complains about depression and anxiety. Medical tests reveal nothing. She is taken to a psychiatrist but ends up attacking the psychiatrist during the session.

The story of The Exorcist picks up pace, as the paranormal incidents increase in frequency and intensity culminating in the death of Dennings, who supposedly commits suicide by throwing himself out of a window while visiting Chris at her house. His body is found dead by Lieutenant Kinderman (Lee J.Cobb) at the edge of the stairs outside the house with his head fully twisted around his shoulders. Later Regan attacks her mother and injures her. The doctors are unable to assess Regan's medical condition and reluctantly recommend an exorcism.